Friendship is supposed to be easy....

Friendship is supposed to be easy.  Friends are supposed to be the people who have your back, who you can tell your secrets to, who genuinely care about you.  For me, friendship seems to be hard to come by.  I've never been one to have a giant group of friends.  I was lucky to have 1 best friend at a time.  I was ok with that!  I mean, friends are supposed to be quality, not quantity, right?  I have this "friend" and honestly, it has just become too much work to be friends.  I feel I have to take all of the first steps.  Sure we have done plenty of stuff together, but I have always had to make the plans, make the decisions, initiate everything.  A few months ago, I just silently lost it.  I felt everything I did or suggested she was fighting me over.  I just stepped back.  I've never felt she was the friend to me that I tried to be to her.  I would want to share semi-private conversations or information with her.  She was always reserved, as if she didn't trust me.  I've been told I "shoot from the hip" that I am what you see, and that's what you get.  Everything with her is always so secretive, or at least it is towards me.  Then, recently I invited her to meet up when I was pretty sure we both had free time.  I was met with "oh, I can't."  I let it go until I see her out, alone, seemingly doing nothing.  I guess the "I can't" was more of "I don't want to."  I really wish I could get back what I give.  I'm not sure it's ever in the cards for me.

Online shopping is amazing!

Ok, I am really not from the stone age.  I have shopped online for years.  Seriously, I was probably one of the first who happily plugged my credit card into the internet and let stuff show up on my door.  So yes, I have shopped for years online, but what I mean now is how amazing it is that more and more big box retailers are getting in on the act!  Does it make me sound lazy to order all my crap online?  Well, let's break it down:  I can shop in my pj's.  I can shop with my coffee in hand (yeah, I know, I can do that in store too....work with me) I can shop at the odd hours of the day or night when stores may be closed.  I can shop when I am in places in public, just to kill time.  Let me elaborate on that last one.  When we were at Disneyland a couple of months ago, it wasn't crazy busy, but yeah, we had to stand in line.  While standing in line for Big Thunder Mountain Railroad, I was on Amazon and Boom!  I ordered L some new shoes!  This morning I was sitting at my kids' school, waiting for the award ceremony to start and I am again on Amazon, shopping for all of our household necessities.  Ok, I do actually shop other places than just Amazon.  In fact, that is the post of this post, it was just that those two instances were Amazon.  I digress...    This week I have placed online orders with both Costco and Target, through Google Express!  Woot!  With Costco, I'm not talking about the stuff you find on their regular website, but my groceries!  You mean I don't have to go into our local Costco if I don't want to, but I still get what I need?  YES!  I detest our Costco.  It's too busy, it's too small, and why do people have to bring their entire family and then just gang around the sample stands?  Get your random crap and move!  Ok, no, I can't get my fresh groceries from Google Express Costco, but I can get the heavy stuff that I now don't have to lug home ;)  It was $4.99 for the service fee.  Worth it?  You bet your sweet ass it was!  Same with Target.  It's not like I am going to order my Eggo Waffles from Google Express Target, but I did order all the household stuff.  And would I pay to use the service again?  Yup.  Again, do I sound lazy to order my necessities online?  No, I don't think so!  Let's look at it this way, I don't get everything I need in one store.  I go to this store, then that store, then this other one over here, and oh, don't forget that one, too!  Nothing is really all that close in our town.  There's a lot of traffic, and sitting in traffic plus driving to this and that store means you are using gas.  Gas isn't cheap!  It's cheaper than it has been in a very long time, but still, they aren't just handing it out!  Life is busy.  I love the idea of ordering what I need and then knowing it will come to me in a day or so.  Also, there's not going to be the impulse buying online that I would do in the store!  So, is it worth it?  To me, oh yeah!

And so it continues....

Yes, so, remember how yesterday afternoon I was hoping that the rest of the week would improve?  Yeah well....it's not looking good.  Last night I discovered my crock pot was pretty much breathing its last breaths.  Yesterday I planned to make slow cooker stuffed meatballs.  Ya know that recipe that has been all over Facebook from the page called Tasty?  Yep...those.  They are GREAT!  We have had them a few times.  It's a good recipe and it's pretty quick being that you cook them on high for a short time.  Well, I have noticed that my crock pot had been taking longer to heat up, but I'd still been able to use it.  Last night, I made my meatballs, placed them in the crock pot and while I was supposed to let them cook for 2.5hrs on high, it was actually more like 3-3.5hrs on high, just because I forgot to turn  it off.  When it was finally time to have some, they were mostly cooked, but the meat was still pink in a lot of places and the cheese hadn't melted at all! :(  What do you do then?  You put your plate in the microwave and let it finish cooking them quickly.  They were still good, but today I broke down and ordered a new crock pot.  geez....can nothing else break/die this week????

What a week! And it's only Wednesday....*sigh*

It has been a crummy week.  The weekend didn't exactly set the mood for the week either.  The oldest was having a rough weekend.....no..I won't give him that much credit.  He was making life hell for the rest of us.  He's 10 and we are finding he's entering more and more into the preteen phase of attitudes and talking back.  It was a long weekend of attitudes and outbursts and rage...from everyone!  There is only so much that any one person can take before they lash out, and that's what happened in our house.  Funny part, V and I escaped on Saturday evening for dinner and a movie out.  While we called it a date night, we actually had a good friend join us for the dinner part (he couldn't make the movie) because his family was out of town and he needed something to do :)  Good friends, good food and making fun of the hipsters all made for a fun evening out! While we were out, the kids were staying with my Mom.  She said they were mostly good for her, with just a small incident or two.  YAY!  So glad the oldest was able to contain his rage for us to come home again. *sarcasm*  Sunday night as we put them to bed, we both gave a big sigh of relief, had a drink and settled in for  some bread bowls of soup and some tv.

Come Monday, it'll be alright, right?  That's what Jimmy Buffet says.  Well, sorry Jimmy, you were wrong this time.  I took the boys to school and then had a bit of time before I had to head out for my day.  I had an eye doctor appt for 9:40, but I was also waiting for an email from my doctor as well as a phone call from Cardiology.  Still having episodes, I really wanted to get the Cardiology appt scheduled!!  I head out to the eye doctor and just keep my phone on in my purse.  I have been to this eye doctor before, I'm not exactly a new patient.  It has been a few years since I was there, I think I was last there in 2012.  I liked this office and I had a great doctor.......then he left the practice.  When he left, I had planned to follow him to his new practice until I realized it was an hour away.  No can do.  So, not caring much for the new doctor who had replaced him, I went back to a different practice I had been to before and a doctor I had been to before.  Well, truth is, I don't mind that doctor too much, but I detest the practice!  They are incompetent, rude, and I do not like how they handle their frames.  Years ago I had ordered new glasses from them.  I took them home and for a couple of weeks I tried to wear them, but they simply were not comfortable.  I finally decided to return them, which was within their return policy.  They argued with me, then I watched as she popped my lenses out and them them back on the rack!  They would actually sell frames off the rack.  No way,,.that's not how it is done at any other office I have been to.  So, this time around, I did not want to return to that office.  I called this other office that my doctor had left and decided to take pot luck with who was there now.  I lucked out!  A new doctor was there and she was great!  A little quiet, but very knowledgeable and I felt like I was getting a good exam. Yay!  Of course then, she says she is going to dilate my eyes.  boo.  I knew it was coming, but I don't have to like it.  I didn't think it was all that bad when I left the office.  Good Lord....it seemed to get worse the more time that passed!  I left there and foolishly drove to my primary care doctor's office.  I still wanted to try to find out info about getting a hold of Cardiology.  Still had had no calls and I didn't even know who to call myself.  I got some very vague info, but at least I did get a phone number (not that I could read the paper it was on, but I was told the number was on there...haha)  I left there and decided to head home.  I had planned to go to the grocery store, but I couldn't see a thing!  I came home and waited.  I called Cardiology, and of course, I got voice mail.  So I waited.  And I waited.  Then it was time to pick up the kids.  No calls while I was gone.  Homework was a nightmare again.  I felt like I had to fight the oldest tooth and nail to get anything done.  It's so disheartening, so frustrating when you know he can do the work, when you know he can finish in record time and it would be perfect, but he would rather sit and stare out the window.  Life with an Autistic child, right?  He wasn't always like this, but this year has been a challenge.  Then I thought I'd call Cardiology again.  It was right around 4pm.  I call to be told the scheduler had gone home for the day.  Seriously?!  People get to do that?  You work in the medical field, in a pretty important speciality that could have people health at stake, but it was time to go home so you just leave unreturned messages for the next day??  I was pissed, because I had originally called her at 11:45am.  The person who took my call "left her a note" to call me.  Great....I hope that has more impact than my voice mail that I left.  So again, I will wait.  Homework was done, finally, so I thought maybe the evening would settle down.  I made the kids a pizza for supper, and they gobbled up most of it.  V came home, and then it was about time to get the kids ready for bed.  We had an easy supper again.  Sweet chili chicken with broccoli and rice.  Easy, filling, tasty.  I had a load of laundry in the washer and we were watching tv.  Then I heard the washer making an awful noise.  It sounded like a bunch of quarters in there.  I headed to the laundry room to check it out and just as I stepped into the room, I splashed.  The entire laundry room was flooded.  A good inch or so of water stood there.   I turned off the washer, which was in the final spin cycle (I guess that's the good part of the story) and tried to think for a minute.  V asked where to start, then I said I'd get the steam cleaner to suck up the water.  It wasn't my first rodeo.  When my Mom moved into her current house, the water hose didn't get clamped on tight enough and it blew off during filling.  We did the same thing in her house, grabbed the steam cleaning to soak up the water.  It's quick and it does a great job! :)  I'll be honest, our laundry room was a mess.  It's where we come into the house from the garage.  It is a laundry room that doubles as a mini mud room.  It was dusty, the floor was dirty and there were way too many shoes in there.  All of this dirty was floating around in the 1" of water  But we soaked it up, we cleaned the floor.  The laundry room is not dirty now!  We moved and cleaned under the machines, all in effort to get all of the water out.  Not exactly what I had planned to do at 10pm on  Monday night.  At least the dryer still worked and the load that was in the washer was not full of water, so I was at least able to dry that load.  There's a positive!  At this point, we were left unsure what to do.  The washer/dryer set is over 13 yrs old.  We have had it serviced twice.  The dryer works great, but at the same time, I didn't really want to go out and spend that kind of money on a new washer!  Nothing we could do tonight, so after cleaning up the mess, we just finished our show.  The day, after a couple of other errands, we made our way into Valley Oak Appliance.  We looked at the new sets on display and waited our turn until someone could help us.  We spoke with Kathy, one of the owners.  I explained my hesitance to even come in.  I explained how I'd not been please with my last service repair with them.  Then I explained where we were and what our washer was doing.  Kathy was awesome! She pulled our ticket from our last service call and said she would take care of what hadn't be completely correctly before.  Then she did something great, she actually explained to V what was likely the problem with our washer and how to fix it!  You simply do not find people in a sales position who try to help you fix what you have rather than expect you to pay for their services, be it repair or sales.  I have to say, I left there feeling a little happier and at ease! :)  But, this still didn't fix the fact that I hadn't heard from Cardiology.  We had stopped by the grocery store to pick up a couple of things and wouldn't you know it, my cell phone rings.  It was the call I'd been waiting for, but I couldn't find my phone in my purse before it stopped ringing!  I finally found it after a voice mail came in and I immediately returned the call.  And, just as I figured would happen, I end up leaving her a voice mail again.  This did not help with my stress levels.  But, I did finally get a call back within the hour and an appt set up for this coming Monday.

Are you tired of reading yet?

So after a good cleaning of the inside of the gasket of the washer (do you know just how much "mud" and muck collects in there?  It ain't pretty!) it was time for V to get to work.  He'd taken a look at it, put that together with the info from Kathy and an awesome how-to video on the internet and within about 45 min, my HERO had fixed my washer!  No parts needed, nothing damaged, just simply put back together :)  A belt had slipped off of where it should be and that caused all the noise and problems.

It's only early afternoon.  Here's hoping the rest of the week is an improvement to what I've already had!

Sometimes you just have to take care of yourself.

I will be honest....I haven't been feeling well for some time.  I've been sick, who hasn't since it had been going around for a while.  But this was different.  I would have these, what I called episodes, and to be blunt, they were scaring the shit outta me.  I'd feel this fluttery feeling in my chest, and I would also feel like I had been holding my breath, then finally taking a breath.  That sort of tired out, short of breath feeling.  This would go on for 2-3 hours, then it would fade and I'd be fine again.  As a Mom of an Autistic child, my biggest fear is not being around for him, or my other son either.  These episodes just made me wonder what sort of underlying health issues I was having.  On Tuesday I finally decided to make myself a doctor appt.  I don't do this very often.  I am not one who will just simply skip going to the doctor altogether, but I am not the type to run to the doctor for every little thing either.  I was just there to see my doctor 3 weeks ago for a never ending cough, so to be going in again this soon was odd to me.  I made the appt actually for a different problem.  My appt was for my elbow.  I was pretty sure I had tendonitis (I was right) so I had made the appt after an email conversation with my doc.  Going in for my elbow was good, but given my current rash of "episodes", I was glad to have an appt!  Once my doctor came in, we started the conversation and I just jumped away from the elbow to what I felt was the more pressing issue, my "episodes".  He listened to my heart, sounded good. It's like when you take your car into the repair shop and say, "it's making this noise" but now the noise is gone and there seems to be nothing wrong with the car?  Yeah...no episodes while there.  But, my doctor is awesome and listened to me describe them and how they felt.  He didn't have answers, but said that we could go through a series of weeding out possibilities.  He ordered more blood tests, this time to check my thyroid and also my blood count.  He asked me how much coffee I drink, and then of course, I got that deer in the headlights look.  Lucky for me though, I'm probably drinking less coffee now than ever.  Since I had the flu, I just haven't been the coffee addict I usually am.  I didn't drink coffee at all while I was sick, then since I have been better, I just usually have the 1 cup (granted it is a BIG cup) in the morning and that's usually it.  Occasionally on the weekends we might stop at Starbucks, but we haven't even been doing that as much as usual.  His response was that it was good that I had cut back.  He didn't know that my problem was due to too much caffeine, but it was a possibility.  Odd to me since I haven't had this problem in the past.  So, then he mentions that word that brings on fear, Cardiology.  I'm 41 yrs old and overall, pretty healthy!  Hearing the term Cardiology just feels scary and odd.  Cardiology is for old people, I'm not that old! So he brought up Cardiology because he wants me to wear what is called an Event Monitor.  This is hopefully to catch and record the episodes.  (which by the way, I am having one of right now as I type)  Not sure when I will get this monitor thing, but while scary, it would be nice to know what was going on.  My doctor assured me he didn't think I had much to worry about.  He said the fact I was having symptoms and all was a good thing, meaning it was likely that it was just my body reacting to something being off.  He said with something much more serious such as cardiac failure or cardiac arrest, those are things that come out of the blue, without warning and don't end well.  Mine?  Likely just more of an annoyance than dangerous, I guess.

Back to my elbow.  I have a flare up case of "tennis elbow" or tendonitis.  Meh...no big deal, right?  It sucks because it hurts.  I walked out of the office with a brand new wrist brace (yay.....note the sarcasm).  At least this one is on the left wrist!  I've had plenty of them for my right wrist, my left apparently felt lonely.  The wrist brace is to stabilize my  wrist and therefore rest the tendons that run from my wrist, up my arm and to the elbow.  This getting old crap is for the birds!

So, there ya have it.  I'll soon get to visit Cardiology AND I have tennis elbow!  Fun, fun wacky crazy stuff! ;)  But in all seriousness, this is just a reminder that it's always important to listen to your body and take care of yourself.  What I am going through right now is a little scary, but I'm taking the steps to make sure I am healthy and around for my kids and husband for a long time!

How many times have I said this? Time for a new start!

I need an outlet, a place to vent.  I need a place to shout accomplishments, brag.  I have decided I need to start writing these blogs again.  So, this is my "new" start.  I am still on the fence as to whether I will keep them private, or public, but if you are seeing this, it probably means it is public ;)  I'm finding myself under a bit of a dark cloud, so I figure maybe this is what I need?  We will see how it goes :)  Stay tuned...more to come.